When Hope is Gone
by BlueSmurfette
Summary: 30 years old and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. ONE SHOT - NOT SUITABLE FOR SENSITIVE READERS


I sit in the large, leather chair, alone as usual. Thirty years old. Today is my birthday. My thirtieth year of being in existence, and what do i have to show for it? A swanky job, yes, but that is it. My life has no essence, no meaning. I have not spoken to my family for years. My sister Anna was once my best friend - my only friend, but she has not spoken to me for thirteen years, not since i was sent away to military school. I saw my parents last Christmas, and it was made clear to me that i was not welcome. My father told me they had moved on with their lives - without me. I left before Christmas dinner.

True love. What a concept. I have only ever felt love once, for a girl i dated in High School - her name was Brooke Davis. She was beautiful. So beautiful, one of the most kind and caring woman i had ever met. She was intelligent and radiant, even now, thirteen years after i last saw her, i can remember her smile. And most importantly, she accepted me for who i was, flaws and all - to her it didn't matter. But then, when i hurt her best friend Peyton, she tossed me out like trash. Never has my heart ached more than when i saw the look on her face when she left me, told me i 'disgusted her'. It was a look of hatred. Since Brooke, there have been others, other woman that is. But never another relationship. I am lucky i still have my looks, the only company i get is from girls i pick up at clubs. One night stands with girls who have left before i awake the next morning. They serve simply as a distraction from what i have become. I am aware, however, that soon my looks will be gone, and then i truly will have nothing. I will be Felix the Jerk, living alone in his fancy penthosue. People will talk about me as the 'man who had no one'. I decide i have to do something, stopthis from happening, I am too weak to cope.

I dial her number, knowing it only because i snuck it from my parents house the year before, the phone rings three times before someone picks up, a woman. "May i speak to Anna?" i ask the stranger, hoping beyond hope she will pass the phone over. I hear her shouting something to someone, "Can i ask who's calling?" I gulp, lie through my teeth,

"It's John." i say, wanting so desperateyl to hear Annas voice. The woman shouts again to someone in the house,

"She'll be here in a minute." the woman says. I wait, eager to hedar my sisters voice again.

"Hello?" I am left momentarily speechless uopn hearing he voice again.

"Anna," I eventually croak, hearing her gasp on the other end of the phone as recognition flows through her.

"How did you get my number Felix?" Anna asks. I'm not getting the response i wanted. "Leave my and my family alone and don't call again." she says before hanging up the phone. Well, that bridge is obviously well and truely burnt.

Next, i ring my parents. My mother answers the phone. "Hello?"

"Mom." I say, my voice full of need, the need to be loved. I hear her shouting something to my father, and next thing he is on the line.

"Felix son, i thought your mother and i had made it clear last christmas we did not want further contact with you." he said in his sharp, stern voice, the same voice he had used when he sent me to military school, when he found out what i'd done to Anna. Again i am hung up on. I know the next call will be the last. This number was harder to get, after all Brooked Davis is a celebrity. I got the number throgh work, through accessing files i shouldn't have. They will fire me when they find out. Not that it will matter after tonight. The phones rings five times before she picks up, a raspy voice answers "Hello?" My mouth is frozen and i can feel my heart pounding. She sounds as beautiful as she did all those years ago. "Brooke, it's Felix." i saw, trying to sound nonchalant, happy even. She pauses, but doesn't hang up,

"Wow, why the sudden call?" she asks sounding surprised, but not upset. Not angry. I get to the point.

"I need to know two things," i start, my voice trembling as i speak. "One, have you forgiven me and two, did you ever love me?" When she replies she sounds confused,

"Yes i've forgiven you and yes i did love you. I really did. Is there anything else?" She wants me to go. She may have forgiven me but she obviouslty doesn't like me, doesn't want to talk.

"No, that's it." i say, trying to remain sounding jovial as the tears begin to fall.

"Okay, well, don't be a stranger!" she says "And happy brithday." she adds before hanging up. She remembered. All these years and she still remembered.

So that is it. I have phoned everyone who ever meant something to me. Only one of them even gave me the time of day, remembered it was my birthday. I stand up and go across to the balcony doors, opeining them and stepping out into the cold night air. The sky is beautiful tonight. The city is beautiful - the bright lights, the tall buildings, but there is no place for me. I loosen my tie before removing it, and chuck it over the edge. I watch it as it falls down, down and down, before it is out of sight. Then i climb onto the railings and look around. Look at the world i am about to leave, still hoping i will have a last minute revelation, something that will make me want to live, try again. Something to stop me adding coward to my list of negative traits. And then i jump, leaving it all behind.

**I hope you all like this! I have never done a Felix fic before, and noticed there are very few on here. I know I'm probably in the minority here, but I really liked him and his relationship with Brooke, which is why i decided to write about him. Anway, hope you all enjoyed :D**


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